Archive for March, 2010

The Sunday Supplement

Quick update for the hardcore bloupies. Here is what is going down this week.

-I write a scathing review of Brokencyde’s “Freaxxx” music video. I am very open to musical expression, but seriously, this thing is beyond terrible.

-Tina the librarian has had to temporarily suspend the checking out of CDs due to inventory issues. Thus I will be digging into my personal archives, in a new segment called “Sean Digs Into His Personal Archives”.

-I’m going to see if I can get an interview with the weird guy in the motorcart that I see puttering around the grounds of the apartment building.  He was observed screaming “WHY WON’T YOU TURN OFF?!!?” at a digital camera a few days ago, nearly ran me over today and proceeded to almost shatter a glass door on his way out. I like this guy’s style.

-Next weekend I find out the juicy details of my assigned jury duty. Hopefully I get something good because this blog could use a healthy injection of new material. Plus I’ve really been wanting to take some self absorbed dirt bag down a notch.  Nobody parks in a two hour parking spot for two hours and two minutes on my watch. That rhymed.

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Friday Fun Facts Please Wash Your Hands Edition

We are back for another Friday Fun Facts Edition, this time with sanitary issues at hand.  Going out in public can be a risk, you could get hit by a bus, mugged, or…………….unknowingly touch someone’s penis? Whaaa? I did some hard hitting journalism to scrounge up these facts about how dirty, disgusting, and just plain inconsiderate humans are.

-The average American will consume about 12 pubic hairs in their fast food meals per year. One way to avoid this is by not eating fast food. Or everyone could just get rid of their pubes.

-Through contact with door knobs, counter tops, and other daily objects your hands will come in contact with about 15 unique penises per day. I am using a public computer right now, and am seriously debating on whether or not I should keep typing. This thing is probably man dick central.

-I read one that said you will shake hands with about 6 people a year who had recently masturbated and not washed their hands when they were done. However, I am not sure how they actually gather this information. Did some guy just walk around for a year, shaking people’s hands, and then asking “That’s a real firm handshake you got there Bob, did you just burp the baby?” And then six people actually said yes?

-After swimming in a public pool for an hour, you will have ingested about 1/10 of a liter of other people’s (or your own) urine.

-House flies excrete waste about every 4.5 minutes. Nothing more needs to be said about that.

Well I’m going to go wash my entire body and possibly throw up a little.  Here’s a good blong of the day. It’s the Black Keys and their hip hop project, Blakroc. This song is pretty awesome.


We’re gonna come out swinging today, then come back Friday to help you ease into the weekend like an old man into a hot bath.  Almost three weeks. Amazing.  We are in the process of transforming from the proverbial “ugly duckling” into a full fledged “Hot Swan.”  Since this whole thing started, people have been asking, “Sean, how do you do it, dawwg?” or “damn kid, s#$%#$t is f%^&*ing #$%#$% sick!” A lot of dubious language gets used around here. I myself don’t partake. So I thought I’d walk through a typical day here at YCL. Slimminy Cricket is yapping away to my left, Dan “Four-four” Kelly is on the way with a camera to document the whole thing, so here is the daily breakdown.

5:30AM-Arise. Eat a five egg omelet and freshly squeezed goat milk.

-6AM-Run 6 miles through the neighborhood. Steal newspaper from the German family on 12th Ave. Kick their trashcan over on the way out of the driveway.

7AM-Hot shower. Lounge on fine animal pelts while beautiful women feed me grapes and fan me with palm leaves. Those aren’t cheap this time of year by the way.

8AM-4PM-Take frequent catnaps, occasionally getting up to have a snack.

5PM-Yesterday I actually remembered that I invented coffee energy drinks a few years before they actually came out.It was called Enerchino, for energy and cappuccino, comprised of a “Rip It” energy drink and a cappuccino. It was delicious and I should be a millionaire right now. My friend “The Beard” can back me up on this.

Oh yeah, I’m supposed to talk about that phone. Well here is a mind blowing portrayal of the conceptual Nokia Morph. Supposedly things like this should be out around 2019. They must have been spending a lot of time on this, because the animation quality is from like 1993.

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The Monday Mailbag

As The Blog’s sphere of influence spreads, and the fan base becomes more in love with it every day, it is only natural that the mail department at YCL would be getting flooded with mail from adoring fans from all over the globe. Or country. We have confirmed that J-Char reads it, and he lives all the way in Washington. Thats pretty close to the ocean. Speaking of oceans, here is something Tsunami-related that I found. The earthquake in Chile is no laughing matter, but am I the only one that finds this a bit odd. This article snippet is copy-pasted from Yahoo news:

-“Japan’s Meteorological Agency said the first tsunami to reach Japan after the magnitude 8.8 quake off Chile was recorded in the Ogasawara islands early Sunday afternoon. It was just 10 centimeters high. There were no reports of damage.”

10 centimeters? Now I’m not very familiar with oceanic issues, but isn’t that smaller than a regular wave? We’ll have someone from the YCL Science Desk look into it. There are bigger ripples in my toilet when I make my morning onesie. I have a very aggressive flow. Oh yeah, we were talking about the mail bag full of love. The Love Sack. Let me reach my muscly arm in there and fish one out.

Oh, this is awkward, it seems as though it is empty. Well yesterday was Sunday so there wasn’t any mail. We’ll check back on that tomorrow.

The Weekly Watering

-Aunt Lenore’s birthday party was a success. And my Mom wanted me to clarify the comments about her that were made on Day 2 (We Landed on the Moon!) of the blog. It was purely a joking matter. She has done a very good job. I mean, look at me. You don’t run a blog that is this successful without strong parental backing.

-Once school is out for a little while, I am going to dive into some Fyodor Dostoevsky. The Mad Russian. Hopefully it is better than this really big lump of crap I’m reading right now about some British guy who is traveling through America breaking “dumb laws,” like riding a bike in a pool in California. And so far he is somehow failing at it. I probably won’t even finish reading this.

-“Fear and Loathing in America” by Hunter S. Thompson is also being read at the moment. Not to be confused with Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

-That’s about all I’ve got.

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