Archive for April 30, 2010

Friday Fun Facts – The Idiocy of Humanity

Humans are an amazing species. We’ve traveled to the depths of the ocean, propelled animals into outer space, and even figured out how to successfully operate on a live brain. Then there are those who stick their junk in a chainsaw. I found this list of instructions that have been put on products, most likely to address an incident involving whatever the instructions are about.

– Swedish Chainsaw – Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals.

-Fritos – You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

-Swanson Frozen Dinner – Serving suggestion: defrost.

-Dial Soap – Directions: use like regular soap.

-Rowena Iron – Do not iron clothes on body.

-Sainsbury’s Peanuts – Warning: contains nuts.

-Sears Hairdryer – Do not use while sleeping.

-Knife Sharpener – Caution: knives are sharp.

-Bicycle Shin Pads – Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

-Microwave Oven – Do not use for drying pets.  Little Billy will never make that mistake again.

-Aspirin – Do not take if allergic to aspirin.

-Laundry Detergent – Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.

-Rum bottle – Open bottle before drinking.

-Blowtorch – Not used for drying hair.

-Fireworks – Do not put in mouth.

-Wrist watch – Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

Well I think you get the point. For every Einstein there’s a million rubes who end up with a watch stuck in their crotch. Next week on The Blog, I’m beginning an international publicity campaign. As we all know, the readership of this thing is already nationwide, and the next target is the WORLD!!!!! First stop – the Vegemite-devouring Australians. It’s going to be a pant-load of fun.

Categories: Experiments Tags: ,
%d bloggers like this: