Home > Marketing, Rant > I Am Writing a Feature-Length Book

I Am Writing a Feature-Length Book

According to the heading up there, I am in fact in the process of writing a book. A book full of words, possibly some helpful illustrations, and a plethora of knowledge that will undoubtedly cut a swath of inspiration betwixt your lethargic psyche and the unbearable ennui of everyday living. “So who is this guy, and what the crap is he qualified to write a book about?”, you might be asking yourself. Well, I took notice that this character Steven R. Covey has sold like 15 MILLION copies of something called “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” (I would like to note that, according to the book, personal hygiene is not one of the habits of highly effective people, nor is drinking water or eating. The lack of stinky, slovenly dressed, malnourished successful people in my community leads me to believe that Covey is full of horse poo.) And then there’s this other clown, Dale Carnegie, who produced the quite unbearable “How to Win Friends and Influence People” back in the dirty 30’s. Although I wouldn’t actually give him credit for writing it, since Carnegie basically quotes other people for the entirety of the book. What is this, Bartlett’s? And since reading Carnegie’s book, I haven’t even made one new friend! Which brings us to the purpose of my book: it’s a self-help book, on how to write a self-help book. If Covey and Carnegie can do it, why can’t I? How delectable the irony that the wandering, laborious means with which they delivered their ideas inspired me to actually want to do the same, in an even more wandering, laborious manner! The student becomes the teacher. Possible working titles for the book include, but are not limited to:

Help Yourself: A Self-Help Guide on How to Help Others, All While Being Helpful to Yourself and Helping Others Help Themselves

The Three Fundamental Layers of the Five Pillars of Synergy: A Core Examination of the Seven Tiers of Leadership, With a Brief Explanation of the Nine Pedastals of the Six Sigma Lifestyle

Maximize Your Earning Potential: A Repository Guide on How to Think So Far Outside of the Box, You Won’t Even Be Able to See the Box Anymore, Thus Forgetting There Was a Box in the First Place, Thus Enabling You to Think Even More Outside of the Box That You Aren’t Even Thinking About Anymore

H.E.L.P.P.: Helping Everyone Learn. And Oh Yeah, there’s a Pizza Party after you Help Everyone Learn!

Win-Win: How to Beat Your Opponent Into Submission With Raw Will and a Cast Iron Skillet, And Then Use The Skillet To Cook a Delicious Breakfast for Both of You, All While Explaining to Your Opponent Why Beating Him And Then Feeding Him Eggs Helped Both of You Win

Benchmarks of Success: How to Max out Your 401K, Raise Healthy Children, and Love Your Spouse, All While Maintaining an Intricate Web of Lies and a Mistress on the Side

Well, that’s gonna do it for me, folks. Tomorrow I will be featuring an excerpt from the first chapter of the book.

Blong. Chemical Brothers.

Advertisements
  1. Jeremy Stevens
    September 15, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    I hate you

  2. Jeremy Stevens
    September 15, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Ok So I don’t hate you…What is it to you?

  3. Jeremy Stevens
    September 15, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Well then again, I can’t stand you….so I should probably hate you

  4. Jeremy Stevens
    September 15, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    No that just won’t do…..I love you? No love is such a strong word. How about……… I dislike like you a little with a side order of spite….yeah that will do….now go die……

    Love? Jeremy..

    P.s. That is not my real name.. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you will never know who this is….Maybe Chambs knows?

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

createdbyrcw

Seer of the invisible, scribe of the unwritten

Regie's Blog

The pen is mightier than the sword ...unless someone is trying to stab you with a sword. Then, it's the sword ...definitely the sword.

Idiot Joy Showland

This is why I hate intellectuals

Cooking without Limits

Food Photography & Recipes

Dalton's Magazine

Spanning the world with pieces of think

You're Fine

a blog about things that shouldn't matter

ROAMIN' GNOMIALS

Empowered by guys in short pants to write whatever I want, whenever I want, for no money whatsoever.

Highest Form of Whit

Bigger. Bolder. Bloggier.*

Suzie Speaks

The Adventures Of a Thirty-Something Life

Duh'Merica

.....teasing the stunted masses with my opposable thumbs....

The Brown Road Chronicles

Stories about country living, old houses, dirt roads, fresh air and other amusing (and possibly even inspirational) anecdotes!

I Miss You When I Blink

and other classics

a comedian's notebook

taking comedy seriously, but not too seriously

Still Skeptical After All These Years

Jim Wheeler - Rational Skeptic

The Shameful Sheep

shit storms, shame, and stories that make you cringe

pen pals on pills

there are no meds for crippling separation anxiety

%d bloggers like this: