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Super Bowl Prediction

This coming Sunday, millions of men and women will derive pleasure from watching stuff like this happen:

And also, this:

But don’t worry, if you’ve never seen a football match before, it’s not all dirty like those two pictures. In between all the erotic debauchery, the players will cuddle together and talk for a bit. The quarterback will then gently place his hands in the confluence of the center’s thighs and receive the ball from him. Everyone will chase after each other for a little while, and then probably slap each other on the buttocks if they achieve the desired outcome. And if things go really well, they’ll douse an older gentleman with a sticky, fruit-flavored liquid, and then hug. After all of that, they will celebrate by taking a 50-man gang shower, because after all, nudity is the glue that holds a winning team together.

I am here today to predict the outcome of the upcoming Super Bowl. I don’t really follow football too closely, but I will do my best to make an educated decision. Let’s take a look at the two opposing bands of competitors.

On the one hand, we have a group of men who run around, trying to carry a piece of a dead animal across a painted line. They have a predetermined geographical location that they call “home.” Many people that live in this particular concentrated geographical area claim loyalty to this group of men. Some of them look like this:

On the other hand, we have another group of men, who, just like the first group, call a particular geographical location “home.” They also carry a piece of dead animal around, trying to get it over that line and into a rectangular area of grass. The steel industry, the basis of this team’s name, is depicted in this clip from the Simpsons:

So which of these two teams will emerge victorious? I have a feeling that if the Packers score more points than the Steelers, then the social topography of Green Bay will be pleased. But if the Steelers counter that and score more points than the Packers, then the cartological designation of Pittsburgh will have cause to celebrate. My prediction:

Green Bay Packers – 34

Pittsburgh Steelers – 147

If you haven’t realized yet, I don’t really care which team wins. If you have cable, I’m coming over to your house to watch the Puppy Bowl.

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