Archive for August 10, 2011


We’ve all heard of this craze that is P90x. What a pile of horse feathers. Muscle confusion? What is that? If I’m not mistaken, muscles are just meat. Meat can’t get confused. Have you ever gone to an upscale chophouse and ordered a grade-A, “well-confused” steak, because you thought it would taste better than the less-bewildered cuts of meat?

Muscle confusion. Pssshh. The next thing you know, my small intestine is going to start having “feelings,” and I won’t be able to enjoy the edgy comedy of Eddie Murphy lest I offend my digestive system.

I’m much more partial to the Z90x. It goes a little something like this:

I just do whatever I want. It’s like the honey badger.

The Z90x is pretty badass.

Take this morning for instance. I did what I like to call “Ab-Blast,” which is exactly what it sounds like. I blasted the abs. Just whaled on ’em. Absolutely went to town on those bad boys. Did I plan this in advance? Please believe me when I say that I did not. Go with the flow baby, go with the flow. Tomorrow, I’ll probably be sore from that, so I’ll get up, and I’ll be like, “abs are sore, should probably do something else.” So then I’ll go run for a while. How far? I don’t know, I’ll keep going ’til I get tired and want to go home and eat, which leads to another hallmark of Z90X. Diet. This isn’t one of those “hey man, don’t eat fat, eggs are bad, lay off the cheese” diets. The more the better I always say. But, for legal reasons, I should probably tell you to consult your doctor first. That being said, I didn’t. I don’t even have a doctor. The entire philosophy of Z90x is this: I like to eat, but I don’t want to get fat. I like to eat a lot of food that isn’t healthy. I also like a lot of food that is healthy. So why not marry the two? Go ahead, go on a six mile run, and reward yourself with a cheese pizza, but maybe put an ass-load of broccoli on it. Do these two cancel each other out? I don’t know, who do I look like, acclaimed celebrity trainer Jillian Michaels? Oh yeah, you can’t see me. Well I don’t look like her, trust me. Or if that doesn’t suit your style, go ahead and make some pasta. Go ahead, boil it up. Smother it in alfredo sauce, I won’t be mad. After you’ve done that, chop up some mushrooms and spinach, and throw them into the mix. Oh yeah, that’s the stuff. This is how Z90x conducts business.

Blong (Blog Song). Link Wray – Rumble.


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