Help Yourself

I was digging through my personal archives the other day, and came across the self-help book about how to write a self-help book that I began writing a while back. I thought I’d toss up the intro here. If I recall correctly, it’s attempting to make a mockery of the intro from Stephen R. Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, because that is what I do. Here you go.

Good Influention: The new paradigm which society and culture as a whole can and should be living by in these trying times.

     What exactly is Good Influention, and how did I achieve it? When influence, confluence, and intentions come together and are at the same time good, the product you have in front of you is Good Influention. How do you reach this state of inner sanctity? It is a long road of self-discovery, sacrifice, and transgenderal foundations of self-confidence. Sounds tough, doesn’t it? What would you say if I told you that you can do it all on your own, and in the process, also teach others? And what if I also told you that it comes at no monetary cost? (I would like to take this opportunity to point out that there is one monetary cost, that being the cost of this book, but look at that small nominal fee as an investment, a superfluous expenditure on your launch into the fountainhead of self-help tutelage.)

     It is my sole purpose in this book to show you how I achieved the Good Influention mindset all by myself. For what would self-help be if others were there to show you a path, when it is much more enriching to blaze your own trail through the thicket of this jungle that we call life? Come, let me show you how I arrived at the pedestal on which I now sit – a towering vantage point from which I can face all the problems of this early 21st century with the ease and comfort of a seasoned professional.

     I attribute much of the Good Influention mindset to the training I have had the pleasure of partaking in. During the course of study and research for the preparation of this book, I skimmed through many self-help books, thought about attending some success seminars, and briefly browsed through a list of recommended motivational tapes and videos.

     After all of that, I now consider myself an Authority on Self-Sufficiency. I would also like to inform you that, for the sake of brevity, I will employ the use of acronyms throughout this book in order to save space for more important nuggets of knowledge. So, after becoming an A.S.S., I perceived that the only natural extension of that title would be to continue my exploration of the world of self-help. I set sail on a journey to seek out others who have also helped themselves to the spoils of success in many fields, including, but not limited to, life-coaches, financial gurus, weight-loss experts, and so on. Eventually surpassing them in knowledge and credentials, I felt that I had now taken control of my own personal vessel of destiny, becoming a “Captain,” if you will. Thus, I branded myself a Captain of Life, Opportunity, Wealth, and Nourishment (C.L.O.W.N.). Sitting here writing this introduction, I can’t even begin to tell you how good it feels to be an A.S.S., as well as a C.L.O.W.N. So much hard work and perseverance were put into the effort of becoming an A.S.S. C.L.O.W.N. that I wanted to share with the world what it means to me. It becomes more and more rewarding each and every day. I am truly blessed.