Barefoot Running

I’ve been trying this fad called barefoot running. It’s where you run in your bare feet. People have been doing it for thousands of years. I usually just pop off the ol’ sneaks and run in the grass next to the sidewalk on the last leg of an invigorating jaunt through my ‘hood. You may be asking yourself what I do with my shoes. It’s easy, stupid (or stupid easy) – wear them on your hands. Other questions also may arise from you, the reader. Do people stare? Is this safe? Are there health concerns? Of course, my feathered friend, of course. I will take this moment to cover the basics:

-Do I look like an idiot running with shoes on my hands?

Yes. But so does the 50-year old gawker driving past in his bright red Sebring convertible to his son’s interpretive dance class.

-Will my feet get cut up by rocks or debris that people throw out of their car windows?

I would assume that will happen at some point. But they won’t ever be cut as bad as the ego of the guy in the Sebring who has to pick up his kid from interpretive dance class.

-After my feet inevitably get cut, will I step on a used condom that some high-schooler threw out of their car and contract an STD?

I don’t see why not. But the burn I feel will never be as bad as the burn Sebring guy feels when he looks in the mirror and wonders how he let his kid take interpretive dance classes.

-Does it make me feel wild and free and more in tune with the earth and closer to our primitive human ancestors?

No. It’s just this thing I’m trying out for a while because I won’t be able to do it when it gets cold. But when it does get cold, the guy driving the Sebring will be still be doing that – just driving that Sebring. I will have moved on to other ventures. And also, interpretive dance class goes year-round, so he gets to spend the foreseeable future watching bedazzled children voicing their inner anguish through the majesty of dance.

And that is everything you need to know about barefoot running.

Blong (Blog song). Peverelist – Roll With the Punches.