Archive for October 6, 2011

I Am Voting For Michele Bachmann To Prove That I Am Not Sexist

     Me, I got some skeletons in my closet. Hell, there’s even stuff in there that ain’t dead yet. That’s why last election, I had to vote for O’bama to prove that I wasn’t racist against Irish people. In the one before that, it was either Bush, to clear up allegations that I have a burning hatred of former male cheerleaders, Kerry, to prove I have nothing against well-coiffed political spray farts, or Nader, to show my support for rankled losers. I can’t recall exactly whose name I chose on that ballot, because back in ’04, we were all so jacked up on codeine and Drano there’d be no way of knowing. Although, I do have a faint recollection of writing in Bill & Ted costar Alex Winter, with a footnote at the bottom explaining that my vote would only count if Keanu Reeves and his band Dogstar played at the inauguration ceremony. But like I said, those were strange times, and it’s possible that my “ballot” was the floor of a dumpster, and my “pencil” was an old Burger King straw dipped in rat blood. Who knows.

     Anyhoo, the point I’m trying to make here is that the American voting booth is a wonderful platform to show people who you really are. People think I’m sexist, so I go in there, vote Bachmann, and BAM – who’s sexist now bro (or sis)?! My only hope is that a bi-sexual Korean hermaphrodite runs in ’16, cause I’ve got some people who have been ridin’ me pretty hard about my stance on those three issues. (*Are hermaphrodites bi-sexual or homosexual? They’ve got both the Eunice and Fagina, so whichever sex they’re attracted to, there’s some major overlap happening. As the facts on that emerge, I can only sit here and wait to vote to show my support for whatever it turns out to be.)

     So yeah, Bachmann in ’12! Eat that you bra-burning hippies! And if you are a bra-burning hippie, run for some sort of office so I can vote for you.

Blong (Blog Song). After I mentioned Dogstar up there, I Youtube’d them and this was the first song I found. Nothing special.

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