Doctors Don’t Have To Touch Your Genitals To Check For A Hernia Anymore

     Until yesterday, it had been about oh, seven to eight years since I’d been to a doctor. In that time, medicine has progressed astronomically. Under orders to take a physical exam, I arrived at the assigned medical center expecting an unpleasant morning of awkward small talk, lame jokes, and some doctor fondling my nugget pouch while breathing in my face. In my time away from the world of professional healing, things have changed, and for the better. Somewhere in the frenzy of testing, I was apparently checked for, and found not to have, a hernia. Didn’t take my pants off at any point, and nothing went near my stuff. Much to my relief, “turn your head and cough” appears to be an outdated practice. Or that doctor was really bad at his job.