The Restroom Review – Zimmerman Super America

Nestled on the northwestern crest of the Twin Cities metropolitan area, the Zimmerman Super America served up a dull helping of familiarity. The corporate cookie-cutter design of the space offered no surprises, right down to the putrid filth of the room. That may sound brash, but believe me, I’ve been around long enough to know that if you go into a gas station bathroom and don’t find a disgusting combination of hair/fluids, something is disturbingly wrong. Quite frankly, I would have had to knock points off if I could actually have seen myself clearly in the mirror. Luckily for this branch of Super America, everything was as dirty as it should have been this afternoon. Due to the heavy amount of airborne pathogens invisibly screaming around the room, I don’t even know why I bothered to wash my hands, but I did, and it led me to discover some caveman-esque etchings on the paper towel dispenser. From what I was able to decipher, I learned that “Justin rules” and “LaRhonda is a thieving slut,” both nice touches that gave the above-mentioned cookie-cutter design a more personal, local flavor. I did notice that the machine that sells glow-in-the-dark condoms, a staple of convenience store lavatories, was absent. Perhaps LaRhonda stole it.

Final verdict – Despite the quaint carvings, this restroom had nothing that really made it “pop.”