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The Power Of Meditation

Excerpt from my self-help book. This comes from the chapter on spirituality and personal growth.

The Power Of Meditation

Sometimes writing can grind on your emotions. It’s OK, in fact necessary, to take a break every now and then. Believe me, it’s all too easy to become stressed out and physically tired from overworking your brain. This can cause a number of problems in other areas of life. When your brain hasn’t had sufficient rest and relaxation, it is not at all uncommon to become short-tempered with a loved one, or make a rude comment to an undeserving coworker. When I was younger and more naive, I always assumed that this only happened to women who were in the heaviest, grossest part of their cycle. But because I’m not sexist anymore, I think that men can be just as bad, but never worse. We’ve all had those moments when others approach us in kindness, and we react negatively because we are too centered on our own selfish feelings. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? When I begin to feel this way, I like to go to a place where I know I won’t be disturbed and start M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.I.N.G. (Meditating And Studying The Unconscious Realities By Altering Them Into Nirvanic Gnosticism) When I’m M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.I.N.G., I feel nothing but a deep calming sensation. No matter how stressed I am, and whether I do it for just five minutes or an entire hour, this time of deep, intense thought and self-examination soothes me. I like to do it at least once a day. If I don’t, I can feel all that negative energy building up inside of me, bubbling under the surface, ready to spew out in a hot eruption of anger. On days that I don’t take this time for myself, I’ll get upset by the smallest, most inconsequential things. For instance, when I used to take mass transit to work, there was an old one-legged Vietnam vet that showed up at the bus stop one morning. His presence really upset the balance of my A.M. routine. He smelled like an old hamster cage, and wouldn’t shut up about needing money for his diabetes shots. I was hoping he was just passing through, and would be gone the next day. But alas, he was there the next morning, and the next. On the fourth morning, I woke up ten minutes earlier so I could do some M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.I.N.G. before I left my apartment. Did that help? You bet it did. As I was basking in the afterglow of that particularly powerful session, I stood next to the old vet and told him what I had just done. He didn’t say a word – he just slowly lowered himself to the ground, looking like he was about to do some M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.I.N.G. of his own. I really struck a chord with him, because he was still in the same spot the next day, lying motionless on the bare earth, eyes rolled back in his head, letting some local rats drink rainwater out of his open mouth. He was so in tune with nature that he forgot all about his silly diarrhea shots. After that, I never saw him again. I like to think that I gave him a new outlook on life, one where he spreads the message of how important it is for everyone to be M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.I.N.G.

  1. Berta
    March 14, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    This might be one of the funniest pieces of literature I have read in a long time!!!!

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