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Archive for March 26, 2012

Peanut Buttery Soy Sauce Noodles With Like, Garlic And Junk In It

Whether it be automobiles, threads, or robotically accurate mathematicians, The Influence Of The East can be felt reverberating throughout our American foundations nearly everywhere. This brings us to the dish at hand. Is it actually Eastern? Sure, if you want to get down to semantics. Is it South American? Yeah, if you want to get into specifics. Did the sweaty Italians have a hand in it? I guess, if you want to be racist about it.

But then, one could think, where does the East begin, and where does the West end? Does a round object even have a South? To what we in America perceive as the Far East, I would assume that they think of themselves as simply “here.” And an Italian, no matter where it is located, East or West, up or down, is going to perspire. That calzone you’re eating is about two-thirds sweat-weight.

We’ve got numerous geographical influences coming at us for this recipe. Asian — soy sauce, spinach, garlic; all formidable culinary titans in their own right, and then, in comes Italy, pit-stains and all, with broccoli and pasta, both respectable injections into our catalog; and last, but not least, Peru, the quitely rumbling dark horse of this recipe — contributing the peanut.

Just follow these instructions:

-If you’re Italian, cover your head in a plastic bag so your sweat doesn’t get all over everything.

-Cook up some noodles*.

-Drain them. Put into a pan.

-(While still over low/medium heat) Add a couple “glugs” of soy sauce and a dollop of peanut butter. And garlic powder. Stir it around for a while.

-Mix in broccoli and spinach**.

-Eat it.

You’re welcome.

*For higher altitudes, add 1-2 minutes boil time.

**For higher altitudes, add the glute meat of your friends who have frozen to death, for added protein.

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