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How To Successfully Incorporate Jargon Into Your Everyday Life

Another excerpt from this self-help book I’ve been working on.

So what exactly is jargon? The most streamlined, efficient answer is that no one really knows. One online dictionary defines it as “language that is characterized by uncommon or pretentious vocabulary and convoluted syntax that is often vague in meaning.” In this instance, jargon was used to define “jargon.” You can also write a song about writing a song, or paint a painting of a painting. In the end, you’re right back where you started, which is what we want – to get the readers thinking, but have their thinking lead them back to what you were just telling them what they should be thinking, which was to be thinking about what they should be thinking about.

If you are to be successful in using jargon, first think of what success means to you. Fundamentals, as well as our core values and principles, are the keys to success. In order to write a self-help book, and a successful book at that, one must strive to be even more fundamentalier and principally valuistic than ever before. For every paradigm synergized within your sphere of personal and professional philosophies, the fundamental cores of your beliefs will have added value among not just your colleagues, but with your peers as well, thus increasing the voluptuous lechery of your book as well as your family life. This will spread a saucy, robust girth over each and every vector of your quadrant initiatives as well as add two cup sizes to your current numerical designation. Once this occurs, your private triumphs will integrate seamlessly into your public Cone of Opportunity, which can be applied to manifold other shapes, i.e. the Rectangle of Corporate Naughtiness, the Rhombus of Busty Sexuality, and the Isosceles Triangle of Unfettered Animalistic Lust. In simpler terms, your logistical and linguistic mission statement will advance no less than three percent closer to the bottom line and solidify your portfolio as a critical component in this raunchy high-stakes game. After trimming all the fat from your infrastructure, groupthink will coagulate, you will last longer in bed, and the sociopolitical ramifications of your choices will become apparent – all while implementing a more agile, customer-focused alliance both in and out of the boardroom. With this increase in size and stamina, you will achieve a holistic, quality-driven, envelope-pushing scalability of world-class leadership that will leave the opposite sex ravenous for neurogenetic and erotic compatibility. This upward spiral parallels the satiation experienced when a project fires on all cylinders and achieves the apex of libidinous ragamuffery. Tatterdemalia will skyrocket, steamy epiphanies will abound, and you will obtain a pestiferous prestidigitation from your thrapple right down to your perineum.

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