Home > Cogitation, Comedy > I Have Discovered A Flaw In The Lyrics Of Kelly Clarkson

I Have Discovered A Flaw In The Lyrics Of Kelly Clarkson

Kelly Clarkson. Singer. Songwriter. Woman. Idolized by Americans. Daughter of somebody. Friend to someone else. Philanthropist. And, after poring over the written content of her music, millimeters short of lyrical genius.

The quotation in question comes from the song Stronger, the titular track from Clarkson’s fifth album. During the chorus, Kelly states “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” It’s inspiring and hot.

It really made me think. I envisioned all those people with herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, dealing with their afflictions on a daily basis, achieving superhuman levels of strength. The heroin addicts in that shantytown near downtown St. Paul, tying off, shooting up, and stepping forward into a new dimension of puissance that I can’t even fathom. But something wasn’t right.

What if, and I’m not talking about myself here, someone with an insatiable appetite for blood, an individual with some bizarre sexual fascination involving the suffering of others, were to amputate Clarkson’s arms and legs? What if a real sicko, not me of course, who can’t sleep at night unless they have knowingly harmed another human being, just chopped off all her limbs, while maintaining a sterile operating procedure so that infection is prevented? Because without arms and legs, that’s what, like 80% of the body’s muscle mass?

Someone missing that many limbs can’t be that strong. Even if before the amputation, her max bench press was at 60 lbs., immediately after it would drop right to zero. In my book, someone who can bench press zero lbs. isn’t strong, they’re weak.

Now, I do realize that Clarkson herself did not pen the song. But I expect someone of her status to at least look at what is being presented, explore the various philosophical meanings that can be taken away, and only then agree to record. Quite frankly, I’m embarrassed for Kelly. What an enormous oversight.

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  1. September 12, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    Following her triumphant recovery, a medley of this “Stronger” song and that song “Ironic” by that singing lady (Gladys?) would be both powerful and ironic.

  2. September 12, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    I wonder why she hasn’t had a follow up hit with, “G*d is dead.”

  3. September 23, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    Honestly…..Where do you come up with this stuff? There seems to be a dismembering and torturing theme amongst your blog entries lately………WTH?

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