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Archive for January 13, 2014

I’m Going To Become A Urinating Recluse

Just for fun, picture me wearing a one-size-too-small-owl-covered onesie while you read this post. It’s fun, because it is reality.

This happens to me a lot:

I go into an empty bathroom containing three urinals. Urinal Code dictates that I take either of the two bookends, in order to create a buffer zone should another person come in.

I always follow the Code. It’s all that raises us above the beasts.

More often than not, someone will come in and take the middle one, creating an atmosphere of uncomfortable, sporadic urinating for me (it must not bug the person that boxes me in, or he derives some sort of foul, depraved pleasure from it).

Some of these people even attempt to make small talk, a huge no-no in restroom culture.

I’m going to become a “stall” person. Or pee on “crowders.” Anything that gives me the reclusive aura I crave while emptying my bladder.

Categories: Cogitation Tags: , , , , ,
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