My Body Has Acheived Homeostasis
Efficiency. That’s what life is all about. Eliminate unnecessary movements in order to dedicate more time to what really matters. There’s a reason you don’t put a couch in front of the door, because it would take longer to climb over it.
Recently, I efficiency-ized my internal world. My body, that is. And it worked. I don’t know how, but I did it. Had I been more scientific-minded at the outset, I would have recorded everything—diet, exercise, sleep schedule. But none of that matters, because my body is now a harmonious, self-sustaining institution.
Need proof? I haven’t produced bodily waste in over five days. Imagine that. Everything I’ve consumed over nearly a week has been 100% used up. My digestive system is equivalent to a Native American hunter after a buffalo kill. Nothing gets thrown out.
I’ve become a walking lithium-ion battery.
Think about how much time you spend expunging waste from your body. I don’t have that problem anymore. What a reverberating relief! I’m selling my toilet, and never looking back.
Have fun pooping, idiots!
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The Philosophunculist 
I feel a little stupid now, I’m going to move my couch away from the door.
Probably so you can go take a crap, sucker!
Hahahahahaha!
I enjoy pooping way too much to give it up. I’m happy for you, though.
After the initial fear goes away (generally after about 48 hours), you’ll forget that you even used time out of your day for such nonsense.
You’re an inspiration.
Now I must poop…
congratulations, but I’m still going to continue with the pooping. Otherwise, how would I explain my bathroom breaks at work?
Start smoking heavily? Smokers get like 20 breaks a day.
It won’t work. My company is about to ban all smoking, but going to the bathroom is still ok.
If i did that then i’d have nothing to throw at the evangelicals who patrol our street.
Oh I’m sure there’s a neighborhood dog you could steal from.
That was both funny and disturbing *giggles* but I’m not going to give up the bathroom. It’s too peaceful and fragrant a place of refuge to give up for mere efficiency.
Thanks! I don’t know what bathroom you’re using, but the ones I used to use around work were the complete opposite of “peaceful” and “fragrant.”
It’s an interesting barometer of the blogosphere that this post got more than double the comments of the Camus post. Oh, Internet.
It could perhaps be due to the universality of bodily functions in the human organism…….not everyone has read Camus. People just enjoy poop, I guess.
If losing my poops is what has to happen to be more efficient, I’m never accomplishing anything again.