Home > Experiments > Well, I’ve Been Screwed Again

Well, I’ve Been Screwed Again

Many years ago, while enrolled in a prestigious technical college, I concocted a brew during my downtime between classes.

The Brew:

Part cappuccino, part energy drink. Named it ‘Enerchino.’ Tasted like liquid garbage, due to the experimental environment it was mixed in. Corporate funding, i.e. that of your Monster, Red Bull, etc., could have improved test versions. So I sent the recipe to a patent company. Never heard back.

Now, next time you’re in a gas station, take a stroll back to the beverage aisle, and a myriad of java-energy fusion drinks you will find. These conveniently achieved popularity about a year after I submitted my idea to that patent company.

There went my first million.

More recently, this past summer, I tried a new avenue of life-improving technology. You see, while still enrolled at the prestigious technical university mentioned above, I overheard fellow students discussing a mechanism called a ‘doob tube.’ It was simple: stuff an old toilet paper roll full of dryer sheets, then when marijuana drug smoke is blown through it, the scent is masked.

The New Invention:

Using dryer sheets and my own underpants, I attempted to create a garment that would cloak the aroma of flatulence, utilizing the same concept as the doob tube. It was impossible to fail. The one-person test group informed me that the odor of my wind was still very much noticeable. A request for the sheets to be sewn directly into the boxer shorts was denied, and the project was shelved. I knew I was on to something though.

A real picture from the Shreddies website.

A few weeks or days or months later, I see somebody post this on Facebook. That’s a link to a product called Shreddies. Shreddies. What kind of name is that. Guess what their product does. They make underwear that filters flatulence.

There goes another million.

So now, back at the drawing board, I sit here drinking a nearly undrinkable beverage that I just made, called CoffTea. It’s coffee and tea mixed together, and it’s revolting.

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  1. March 6, 2014 at 8:40 am

    I cannot stop laughing! I have felt this way hundreds of times with inventions and feel they have been “stolen” from me. I always mention them to friends or family and they think it is ridiculous and stupid, but then a few months or so later you see it invented! One day, right?

  2. eobonyo
    March 13, 2014 at 6:12 am

    I mixed water and lemon once and the result tasted like vodka. No one wanted to go into business with me so I gave up on further research. I thought of sending it to a brewery but I figured they’d already tried it. A little earlier I thought about making a “autograph” app. The idea was that you could collect autographs from your celebrities and store them in your phone. Why? I also don’t know. I didn’t tell anyone about it but a few months later there was a “autograph” app on Google play. Maybe I’ll I’ll try the CoffTea as I think of a new idea.

  1. March 17, 2014 at 12:22 pm

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