Home > Cogitation > Names I’d Give To Cats

Names I’d Give To Cats

I’ve been thinking of names for cats.

The first would work best for a ‘thick’ cat: not fat, but powerful. This cat would be named Rocco Hamfist. roccohamfist

The second is reserved for more of a suave, sleek tomcat. I’d call him Bruce Mandick.

Rocco and Bruce. They’re not losing any fights in the alley behind the fish market. Growing up, brucemandickwe had a cat named Muffin. He got hit by a car. He lived, albeit with some heavy injuries.

Had Rocco been hit by the same car, the thing would have crumpled around him. The mechanic would be flummoxed as to how the front end had obtained a Rocco Hamfist-shaped hole in it. Bruce Mandick would then walk in, push the grease-monkey aside, and fix the car for him.

That’s how much a name matters.

Rocco and Bruce would impregnate many cats. Their offspring would have names like Zenobia Trident. Gullveig Tetrahedron. Lucretia The Terrible. They would rule all the land.

So, if you think you’ve got a manlier name for a cat, or believe your feline could out-impregnate these two, by all means, let me know.

  1. April 16, 2014 at 11:22 am


  2. April 16, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    I like that your cats also have their own signature fonts, which is a trend I hope will pick up steam.

    I’m more of a dog person, but my mantra has always* been “Never underestimate a cat named Sparkletush.”

    *And by “always,” I mean that it just pretty much popped into my head. But I think it has merit.

    • April 16, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      Hell, I wouldn’t mess with Sparkletush. I envision her (or his?) font as some sort of glitter-bedazzled calligraphy.

  3. April 16, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    I think this is a dangerous experiment. The descendants of Rocco and Bruce would grow powerful enough to overrun the planet, and replace the Internet with the storage for cat memes and gifs…. Oh.

    • April 16, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      It’s already begun!

      • eobonyo
        April 17, 2014 at 4:26 am

        With the number of cat pictures all over Facebook and G+. I think this revolution has already began.

  4. April 17, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    My best cat was named Mojo (Mo for short), lived 20 years, and through a urinary tract blockage, a fight with a huge possum, and a snake bite. He looked like a miniature black panther, and walked with his huge head slung low between his shoulders. We got him fixed young, though, so he couldn’t knock anything up. I had him put down last year, it was one of the saddest days of my life. Love your kitty’s names, btw!

  5. May 14, 2014 at 2:52 am

    Gunnar Furious. I believe it is derived from the Nordic phrase for “sexually potent to a fault.”

    • May 14, 2014 at 8:41 pm

      Gunnar, Rocco, and Bruce will soon account for most of the cat world’s gene pool.

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