Home > Marketing > The Solution To Subway’s Imminent Branding Problem

The Solution To Subway’s Imminent Branding Problem

I’m an “ideas man.” A “problem solver.” A guy that “gets things done.”

So, instead of sitting here with my hand down my pants, adding onto the internet trash heap of Jared prison rape jokes, I’ve already hatched a scheme to cash in on the fallout Subway is facing.

Here’s my pitch: we all know that a fat pervert can get skinny on the Subway diet. This has been pounded into our heads for the last 15 years. So, Subway, why not go the other direction and hire me, a svelte gentleman who is willing to become very, very obese from eating Subway, while also being attracted to adult women? Eh? Imagine commercials featuring a big fat guy that eats his height’s worth of meatball sandwiches every day as women surround him, feeding him cookies and caressing his ever-expanding ‘Subway Bod.’

The ball’s in your court, Subway.

Instead of 'Eat Fresh,' the slogan could be 'Eat Many Meatballs.'

Instead of ‘Eat Fresh,’ the slogan could be ‘Eat Many Meatballs.’

  1. August 19, 2015 at 6:50 pm

    But what if it’s the Subway food that turns you into a pervert?

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