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Mrs. Featherbottom

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Hey Rich People, Stay Out of Aldi!

Man, I think I ate too much cheese this weekend. Wooo wooo, next stop my thighs right? Anyways, as I made my regular Sunday jaunt to the local super discount grocer Aldi to replentish my cheese supply, my keen eye took notice of something. As I was walking through the parking lot, I noticed a Lexus. That’s weird, those are pretty expensive. Then, two cars later, an Audi. Where am I, Kowalski’s? Then, as I’m crossing the lane in front of the store, I almost get hit by a Jaguar. Thats understandable, because enough driving experience will tell you that rich people with nice cars actually can’t see anyone in a lower tax bracket.  I get cut off by some ass-hat in a BMW at least twice a week. They’re like the T-Rex. If you don’t move, it won’t see you, only with the posh upper class, if you don’t have a maxed-out Roth IRA, you are invisible to them.

Now, I’ve very much come to enjoy shopping with the flea ridden masses of Aldi; the pure entertainment of it. There’s the obese women wearing faux-velvet bodysuits, the white trash wearing overalls with nothing underneath, leaving massive amounts of man-nipple exposed to the public eye, and others who quite possibly floated to this country on a door. It’s a diverse cross-section. The ingredients that comprise the delicious stew that is America.  But I recently saw someone wearing a tie in there. Think about that. I don’t go walking into some hoighty toighty steakhouse wearing my tie dye shirt and flip flops. It’s a fair trade off I think. And guy in the tie was also the same person that took ten minutes to look at literally EVERY banana in the bin, while I creeped in and took the first batch off the top, because if you shop at Aldi as much as I do you obviously know any produce you buy there won’t last more than three days.  So what I’m saying is, Rich People, don’t look on in disgust if the impecunious set comes into your establishment if you are going to come into places like Aldi reeking of your “cologne” and “soap”.  They don’t even sell either of those at Aldi anyways.

Here’s a good blong to get the week rollin. Keeping with the theme of stinky poor people, here’s an oldie by Arrested Development.

Categories: Rant Tags: , , , ,
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