Posts Tagged ‘business’

Great And Christian Donald Trump Generously Donates Thirteen Percent of One Million Dollars To Down And Out Whore

Donald Trump, great president of America and very much ardent follower of Christ, has generously given big portion of donald’s father’s money to down and out harlot who has lost very many of her ways in this world.

Large sum of american $130,000, donated by strong leader and Man of God Trump to floozy who wallows in dregs of pornographic film industry, in order to provide for her great opportunity for to accept Jesus and spread giant words of Trump.

TRumP says this is good thing for America.

We must all make good for America and give our rubles, all of them, to women of filth, says TrUmp.

TrumP also gives us generous tip to buy red america is great hats from website that will donate money to great all over american donald truMP.

So do this, America, and america will blast white greatness over all the world. Happy!

Conspiracy Theory: Are Hormel And Hanes In Cahoots?

Have Hanes and the Hormel Foods Corporation been secretly in cahoots with one another? It looks as though the seemingly disparate industries have no plausible reason to cross paths. Well, looks like I prematurely shot my wad and based the whole premise of this article on some brash assumptions that had no basis in actual fact. Sorry to have wasted your time.

Oh wait, there is one point I forgot to make. Let’s take a quick look at both companies.

Hanes: An apparel company well-known for their socks, T-shirts, and undergarments.

Hormel: Producer of SPAM, Dinty Moore, and a variety of other foods, most notably Hormel Chili. I have an extremely hot tip from a trusted culinary insider that the meat used in this chili is just “good enough” to not be made into dog food. Interesting. Low-grade meat is notorious for its blindingly quick layover in the human digestive system. More notorious yet is its even hastier, comically-explosive-bat-out-of-hades escape from that digestive system.

Do you see the link? Why else would the nutritionally bankrupt products of Hormel be kept on shelves, unless they were serving a higher, more sinister purpose than simply gratifying the quivering gullets of the drunk, the poor, and the drunk poor? Picture the stereotypical consumer of a can of Hormel Chili — it’s a grizzled man in a beater and tighty-whities, shoveling that slop into his mouth like an immigrant coal stoker in the boiler room of an early 1900’s cruise ship.

I posit that Hormel is a multi-tiered puppet enterprise of Hanes, who is using the constant onslaught of almost-dog food blemished shirts and soiled underpants to create sales in an impoverished demographic that would under any other conditions hang on to their clothes if they weren’t covered in revolting meat stains and fecal matter.

Before you go out and buy that next pack of private delicates or can of lubricated swill, remember: you are a mere pawn in a high stakes game benefitting an over-paid fat cat who wants you to sit on your couch and sh*t your pants.

Investigation in process: is the upholstery industry a fringe benefactor of the Hormel/Hanes conglomerate?

How To Successfully Incorporate Jargon Into Your Everyday Life

Another excerpt from this self-help book I’ve been working on.

So what exactly is jargon? The most streamlined, efficient answer is that no one really knows. One online dictionary defines it as “language that is characterized by uncommon or pretentious vocabulary and convoluted syntax that is often vague in meaning.” In this instance, jargon was used to define “jargon.” You can also write a song about writing a song, or paint a painting of a painting. In the end, you’re right back where you started, which is what we want – to get the readers thinking, but have their thinking lead them back to what you were just telling them what they should be thinking, which was to be thinking about what they should be thinking about.

If you are to be successful in using jargon, first think of what success means to you. Fundamentals, as well as our core values and principles, are the keys to success. In order to write a self-help book, and a successful book at that, one must strive to be even more fundamentalier and principally valuistic than ever before. For every paradigm synergized within your sphere of personal and professional philosophies, the fundamental cores of your beliefs will have added value among not just your colleagues, but with your peers as well, thus increasing the voluptuous lechery of your book as well as your family life. This will spread a saucy, robust girth over each and every vector of your quadrant initiatives as well as add two cup sizes to your current numerical designation. Once this occurs, your private triumphs will integrate seamlessly into your public Cone of Opportunity, which can be applied to manifold other shapes, i.e. the Rectangle of Corporate Naughtiness, the Rhombus of Busty Sexuality, and the Isosceles Triangle of Unfettered Animalistic Lust. In simpler terms, your logistical and linguistic mission statement will advance no less than three percent closer to the bottom line and solidify your portfolio as a critical component in this raunchy high-stakes game. After trimming all the fat from your infrastructure, groupthink will coagulate, you will last longer in bed, and the sociopolitical ramifications of your choices will become apparent – all while implementing a more agile, customer-focused alliance both in and out of the boardroom. With this increase in size and stamina, you will achieve a holistic, quality-driven, envelope-pushing scalability of world-class leadership that will leave the opposite sex ravenous for neurogenetic and erotic compatibility. This upward spiral parallels the satiation experienced when a project fires on all cylinders and achieves the apex of libidinous ragamuffery. Tatterdemalia will skyrocket, steamy epiphanies will abound, and you will obtain a pestiferous prestidigitation from your thrapple right down to your perineum.

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