The Philosophunculist Travelogue, Part Two: Iowa

It was dark both times we drove through Iowa, therefore we did not see much. We smelled a lot, though. Cow dung is the name of the game in Iowa.

However, the return trip up Interstate 35 is fun. Every exit sign names two towns, and each combination sounds like the name of some old-money kid at a Massachusetts private school:

-Roland McCallsburg

-Clarion Hampton

-Sheffield Belmond

-Rockwell Swaledale

-Jewell Eldora

-Stanhope Randall

-Huxley Maxwell

-Norwalk Cumming

And there was one that said Manly Forest City, a place I reckon is not for out-of-towners.

Somebody documented all these on okroads.com, which is where I stole the pictures from.

Exciting, exciting stuff.

The Philosophunculist Travelogue, Part One: Minnesota

Rudy Maxa. Rick Steves. These are the big boys of travel. The alpha males. The heavy hitters.

What a terrible series of opening lines.

The saga begins in Minnesota on 19 July, 2015 at 10:13pm, and ends in Minnesota on 26 July, 2015, at 2:54am. I’m driving in a car with a person whose real name is Cassandra Moistnoggin, formerly known as Cassandra Morningfart, en route to something called Colorado. To get there, we will have to drive south to Iowa, turn west at Des Moines, carry on through Nebraska, cut across a corner of Wyoming, then finally head south from Cheyenne to arrive at our destination, where we will stay for awhile, then turn around and come back.

Why would we leave Minnesota, home of Prince, the Mall of America, and thousands of lakes, to put ourselves through this awful drive across the Great Void of the United States?

Because Prince sucks, the Mall of America is dumb, lake water is disgusting, and everyone here will remind you everyday that they are either too hot or too cold.

There is not much more to be said about this place.

At around midnight, we cross over into Iowa, and you will moisten your undies when you hear what happens next….

Did you like that use of a tease? Are you excited for the next installment? Tune in tomorrow for a discussion about the highway exit signs of Iowa!