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I Am A Poet, And I Do Know It

I found out today that I am destined to do something great.

As I stood on the deck during the small hours of this morning, I gazed to the West and pondered this life. Words began appearing to me — slow at first, and then, as if a dam had burst, they came pouring out, almost too fast for me to rush inside and transcribe them to paper. When all was said and done, I had this poem in front of me:

Somebody once told me

The world is gonna roll me

I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed

She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

Didn’t make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets —–

I had to stop there because I couldn’t think of anything to rhyme with “fun.” Even though I had run into writer’s block towards the end of the poem, I still couldn’t help thinking to myself how bright of a future I could have in poetry. A future so bright, one might even compare it to a star. Or maybe one star wouldn’t be bright enough. What if you combined all of the stars in the sky into one star, and called it something like an “All Star?” There’s another idea for a poem right there.

Anyways, you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this. Several hours after composing that poem, I was listening to the radio in the car, and a song by something called “Smash Mouth” came on. The DJ introduced the title of the song as “All Star!” What are the chances? I was just thinking about writing a poem called “All Star” not three hours before! I listened intently, and was even more flummoxed when I heard the words. They were the exact same as the ones I had written that morning! What are the chances that I would write something using the exact same words that this “Smash Mouth” character had also used, as well as having all of those words be in the exact same order?! Man, if I keep this creative streak alive, I just may be “Walkin’ On The Sun” in no time! (Another prospective poem title that I just thought of)

Blong. Still lovin’ on the polka. Lovin’ it strong. The Six Fat Dutchmen, hailing from New Ulm, MN.

Oh No, I Think I Like Polka Music

I’m not sure how this happened, but I think I like polka music now. “How could you let this happen?,” you are undoubtedly asking yourself. Well my friends, it all happened so fast, and here is what I remember.

The Beginning

The other day at the local library, I noticed a CD with a cover featuring some rather portly gentlemen and their gal friends dancing around in a tent. My curiosity, having been piqued, prodded me to pick this album up. “Deep Polka: Dance Music From the Midwest,” the title said. I know now that I should have just put it back.

Infatuation

Having been born in the self-proclaimed “Polka Capital of the Nation” (New Ulm, MN), I figured it wouldn’t hurt to return to my humble roots. Upon its insertion into the CD player of my car on the ride home, I found myself keeping time with my fingers on the steering wheel. Something dark and terrible was awakening within me.

Rock Bottom

I was so enamored with the music that I actually found myself planning a trip to New Ulm in July for their annual “Polka Days” festival. Luckily for me, I discovered that this event was mysteriously discontinued in the early 1970’s. But as I sit here, listening with great enthusiasm to the Norskedalen Trio, I can’t help but wonder how long it will be until I find myself passed out with the drippings from schnitzel and Schell’s (brewed in New Ulm) beer trickling onto my sweaty, mustard-stained undershirt.

Well, here’s the Blong. It’s some polka, obviously.

And is it just me, or does this song from Super Mario sound like polka? Or is it technically a waltz?

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