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The Summer

Well, it’s the first day of summer. I’m preachin to the choir here, right?! Never really understood what that saying means. Is the choir not supposed to get preached to, or what is going on with that? But yeah, I’ve got some big stuff planned in my personal life for this warmest of the temperate seasons.

-Through a chain of wacky mishaps, I will somehow acquire a dog. We will undoubtedly hate each other at first, with him ripping my couch to shreds, and me beating him without mercy for hours at a time. Of course I’m kidding about beating him, I’ll probably just not feed him for a few days. Or shave all his hair off. Animals always look so sad when they have no hair. As the summer wears on, we will eventually become the best of friends through a series of montages set to the classic tune “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” by War. Then at the end of summer he’ll get hit by a car or kidnapped or something that isn’t my fault, because hey, I’m going to have more important things to do than take care of some dog that deliberately destroyed my couch.

-While hiking in the woods, I’ll probably find a dead body face-down in a creek, and maybe just kind of poke it with a stick for a while.

-Get a job flipping burgers at the mall, start up a fling with the hot girl that works at the frozen yogurt (or, Frogurt) stand, and have my still-beating heart ripped out of my chest when she goes back to college in August and does the entire football team.

-I’m sure at some point I’ll end up at some type of summer camp with a bunch of misfits, and after a giant food-fight in the chow hall, an incident involving the filthy latrines, and probably some more montages, we’ll beat the athletic kids at a game of flag football or something.

Busy summer right? Actually I’m willing to bet that I could probably accomplish all of this in about 90 minutes if I really tried.

Here’s the Blong. I love this video. Have a wonderful summer everyone!

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