From My Kitchen To Yours: How To Make Peanut Butter Sauce

This recipe can be eaten solo. It can be drizzled on an apple, significant other, or animal. It adds robust flavor to vegetables. Here’s how you make peanut butter sauce:

Drop a spoonful of peanut butter into a hot pan. It will melt and become peanut butter sauce.

 

Ham Sandwich Recipe

Today I was hungry so I made a ham sandwich. I took some ham out of the package and then put it on top of a piece of bread and then put a little mustard on top of the ham that was on the bread and then took another piece of bread and put it on top of everything else. Some people like to cut their sandwiches in half, some right down the middle and others diagonally. That is a worthless step that uses up sandwich eating time.

Asian/Mexican/Irish Fusion Cooking

Here’s a little something I whipped up this morning. It got kind of weird. Here’s what you need:

Potato

Rice

Egg

Soy Sauce

Jalapeño

Broccoli

Cheese

Beans

Just cut that potato up, boil it for a little bit, drain out the water, add some chopped up jalapeños and broccoli, put some soy sauce in there, put the already cooked rice in, crack an egg over the top, wait for that to cook, then sprinkle some cheese on and toss some beans in. It comes out looking like a steaming pile of, well, potato/rice/egg/jalapeño/broccoli/cheese/beans. It tasted alright.

Shloganoff

Here’s something that I ate today, called Shloganoff, which is obviously the Shlog version of stroganoff. Ingredients:

-Pasta

-Cream of mushroom soup

-Water

-Broccoli

-Spinach

-Horseradish deli mustard that was purchased by accident but turned out to be good anyways

-Cheese

I like to leave the measurements up to the reader. Theoretically, you could use anywhere from 1-100 noodles, a spoonful or gallon of mustard, etc. I’m just giving you a jumping off point man.

Here’s how to make it:

Remember in the ingredients section right above this one where it says to have some water? Get that right now. Put it in a pot and bring it to a boil. Dump the pasta into the boiling water. Wait for the pasta to be done cooking. Drain the water out. Pour some cream of mushroom soup over the pasta. Add some of that horseradish mustard in. Sprinkle a little cheese on. Take the broccoli and spinach, and chop them up. Add those in too. Then it’s pretty much done. You can eat it now.

Cocktail Weens and Beans, With a Transition Into Some Sort of Chili

For the nine people who read yesterday’s post, here is the exciting conclusion to what it is that I actually ate, and this one comes with a bonus! In a first for the Blog, I will share with you one recipe, and then through some fancy culinary footwork, we will utilize the elements of the first recipe, thus giving birth to a second baby of comestible delight! Hazaa! Exclamation point!

Here is the recipe for Weens and Beans. Gather the following items:

-Two packages of cocktail weenies

-One can of chili beans

Do you see why it’s called Weens and Beans? I’ll tell you. I have taken the word “weenies” and simply shortened it to “weens,” so that it could correctly rhyme with the word “beans.” As an alternative, you could go with “Weenies and Beanies.” I would suggest doing that, if you want to look like an absolute turd. Let’s continue. Here are the final items that you will need:

-A 12 ounce bottle of chili sauce

-One cup of grape jelly

-A song in your heart, and a poem in your pocket

Just toss that all into the crockpot, and let it cook on low for a few hours. Then it will taste really good.

After serving it to my family at Thanksgiving, and finishing the remaining weens and beans at home, I couldn’t help but notice that there was still a fair amount of sauce left in the pot. Having been raised to not let something like this go to waste, my mind immediately began to scheme, plot, and theorize. I then went to Aldi and purchased the following items:

-Chicken

-Onions

-Another can of chili beans

I added that all into the pot, and in a moment of innovation, decided that maybe a healthy squirt of mustard, a dash of steak sauce, and some garlic powder that I already had on hand could really elevate this thing to heights unimagined, even to me. And then, the memory of a Food Channel program I had seen some time ago crept into my head. I reached into the cupboard, and heeding the advice of television, added a spoonful of peanut butter! I gotta say, it really tightened up the mix. I let all that stew for a few hours, and then I ate it. And it was really, really, really, really good. Really.

Blong. Another lesser-known, yet very relaxing tune.

I Don’t Know What I Just Ate, But Boy Was it Good!

Ahhhh, the delicious taste of food. I just ate some, and boy was it good! What a refreshing affair. But what the heck was it?! I just took a big scoop out of the ol’ crockpot, shoveled it down my quivering gullet, and let my taste buds do the rest. Was it chili? Could have been, I think I tasted some beanie, tomato-y flavor in there. But wait a second, was that a hint of peanut butter? No way, that’s impossible! Why would beans and peanut butter be mixed together in the same pot of crock? I could have sworn there was a smack of chicken flavor fused into the mix. Or maybe the proteins from the peanut butter and the texture of the beans merged to create the illusion of chicken? Can that happen? And I’m not even sure if peanut butter was in there in the first place, so who knows? Wait, the impending aftertaste is now descending upon me. Give me a moment to analyze. (())()()()()()()()()()()()((((())))))(())(())(()))))((()))())((())(()())——->Ok. Hmm, that’s strange. Was that a tomato? Am I tasting grape jelly right now? What is happening? Garlic and yellow mustard now seem to be presenting themselves. And that, what was that? That was for sure an onion. Wait, no it wasn’t. Did I at some point put onions in there? Oh yeah, I did. That was definitely an onion. This sure is getting weird! The last time something like this happened, I passed out, woke up, forgot who I was for three hours, and then everything tasted like almonds for the next two weeks. Well, in any event, this sure is good!

So, what exactly was it that I just ate?! Stay tuned, for tomorrow, a new recipe will be unveiled, a Blog topic that has been ignored for far too long.

Here’s the Blong (Blog Song). A rather obscure cut, but good nonetheless. Haruomi Hosono, with “Chow Chow Dog.”

Friendly’s Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt

Hooooooooooow is it going? What’s that? You have cranial rectosis? Huh, good luck with that. Well, we’re going to do another recipe today, but in a first for The Blog, it is not of my own invention. Although I must admit that I am supremely jealous that I didn’t think of it. I recently heard about an amazing sandwich called the Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt, produced by a restaurant called Friendly’s. Actually, just calling it a sandwich is an understatement, it’s more like three sandwiches combined into one whorishly delicious marriage of ingredients.  I must say, Chef Andre, who you will meet in the video below, deserves some sort thank you from the local hospitals and clinics for all the business that this blend is going to send their way. It’s almost as if the KFC Double Down has spawned a revolution of restaurants plotting to blow out the waistlines and self esteem of their patronage. Perhaps they are in cahoots with the pants industry. Think about it: fatter people = bigger clothes = more material = the ability to charge more money for underpants the size of bedsheets. And as the people get larger, the less energy they have to go shopping for groceries, so what do they do? They throw on a moo-moo and venture to the nearest fast food restaurant, where no time or effort is required to quell the rumblings of their bottomless gullet. It’s a vicious cycle!

But I digress. Here are the basics of the Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt – you make two grilled cheese sandwiches, which essentially operate as the bun. Then you take cheeseburger fixin’s, and put them between the two grilled cheese sandwiches. That’s what America’s all about, man! The one downside is that the nearest Friendly’s is over 500 miles away, in Ohio. Looks like I’ll be making my own for now.

Here it is:

Dirty, Filthy, Raunchy Josephs

Aloha. Why is he saying goodbye at the beginning of the Blog? Oh, the innocence. Aloha can mean both “hello” and “goodbye!” Anyways, how’s it going? Oh me? I’m just fine. I’m more worried about you though. Worried because, in fact, you probably haven’t tried the latest recipe. They’re more than sloppy, and classier than your average Joe.  The YCL Personal Kitchen has been on a hot streak that some would call influential, others inconsequential. In other words, for my Spanish-speaking compatriots, Lé Blogié es la en el fuego, sacrebleu! Enough beating around the bush, let’s talk ingredients. As always, I don’t measure stuff.

-Chicken – take note that chicken is not beef.

-Barbeque sauce, tomato sauce, mustard, ginger, hot sauce, sweet and sour sauce

-Chopped up onion and tomato

Put the chicken in a pot. Go ahead, don’t be shy. Just plop it in there. You by now may be wondering why the chicken is plopping into the pot. I cheaped out and used the slimy canned bird. But yeah, just get it in there. Now, the barbeque and hot sauce are the flagship condiments being used here, so put in more of them than any of the other stuff mentioned. The onion and tomato should be in there too. Kind of get that bubbling, then go ahead and add in a little of the mustard, ginger, sweet and sour sauce, and tomato sauce. Let that go for a while, until the onions have softened. Much similar to an untimely erection, an overly stiff onion is a faux pas that not only ruins parties, but reputations as well.

Anyways, when that’s all cooked up, put it on some bread or something and then eat it.

Well here’s a really fun Blong. The Knife – Heartbeats. It’s got a bit of that 80’s Cyndi Lauper feel to it. Leave it to the Swedish.

Grilled Sean Sandwich

Hey man, what’s up? Haven’t done a recipe Blog in a while. And lately people have been all like “Yo Seeeeeeeeaan, what you eatin'”? Well, little buddy, scads of experimentation have been occuring in the YCL Personal Kitchen, with grilled cheese being the main focal point of note. “Grilled cheese, but that’s really simple you idiot!” Well, you little tub of lard, I caught myself voicing the very same pontifications not three weeks ago. There are myriad ways this traditional gut-stuffer can be prepared. “But Sean, don’t you just need butter, cheese, and bread”? You would like to think that wouldn’t you, you little porker? I have stretched the very limits of what grilled cheese can be, so much so that it probably is just classified as a sandwich. I don’t know, I just eat it. And I got rid of the butter. America has been covered in buttery goodness for far too long. As usual, I don’t know how measurements work, so use your best judgment.

What you will need:

-Enough black beans to cover a piece of bread. (In alternate versions, a chopped up hard-boiled egg was used in place of beans, but it didn’t test as well, although it is still used on occasion.)

-Natural peanut butter. (no hydrogenated oil!) I prefer chun-kay. Mashed avocado can also be substituted. Gotta love that monounsaturated fat!

-Two slices of bread. Opt for whole wheat, as white bread is the same viscosity of glue. Seriously, white bread is bad.

-Spinach. The leafy kind, not the swill that comes in the cans.

-Tomato, thyme, and haaaaaaaaaaaat saaaaaaaaaaaaasssss(hot sauce.)

-Cheese. Pepper jack, sharp cheddar, colby, it’s all good.

Here is how you do it. Oh, I haven’t mentioned it yet, but I have been using a Foreman grill. So probably have that pre-heating in the background. And if you don’t have one, wow, what is this, the ’80’s?

-Anyways, spread a very thin layer of the peanut butter onto one piece of the bread. You see, peanut butter is not the star of this dish. We must place him in a supporting role, in order to make his presence felt, but not overpower the taste of the sandwich.

-This is where you put the beans over the peanut butter. Not too thick of a layer, just kind of squeege them into the P.B.

-I have been using blocks of cheese, so cut four pieces out of that and gently lay them over the beans. On top of this layer, dribble the hot sauce, and on top of that, sprinkle the thyme, or any other seasoning that you may prefer.

-At this point, you will want to dice up some tomatoes and scatter them over the cheese layer. Then lay some spinach atop the Tomato Layer. After this has been accomplished, set the other piece of bread over that, pop it onto the Foreman for about five minutes, and BOOOYAAAA, you’ve got yourself a rather appealing sandwich.

Today’s Blong is from the movie Fear of a Black Hat. Although it came out in the mid-’90’s, I still feel that it conveys a very positive message.