Posts Tagged ‘Twitter’

Ten Things People Love About Lists

1: You love lists. This is a list.

2: You can share this list on Facebook, or Twitter, or Tumblr, to let everyone know that you have read a list, and that you want them to read the same list.

3: This list connects with you in some deep way, it confirms a belief you hold, or it talks about your childhood. It really does.

4: You would someday like to make a list of your own, but this list listed all the things you could ever dream of listing. Now you have more free time to read lists.

5: After you say ‘list’ a lot, it begins to sound like it’s not really a word.

6: If there were a top ten list of the top ten lists, this list would be included.

7: This top ten list is unique in that it only contains seven items.

Top Ten Ways I Am Going To Be Better Than Facebook

I’ve decided that I would like to be rich. I recently discovered that this Zuckerberg fellow seems to have billions of dollars, all because of this Facebook thing. So I’m gunna gets me sum of dat. Fatten my Hammy Stack if you know what I mean. (A Hammy is a ten dollar bill.) To live my dream of becoming a rich person, I am in the process of creating a website that will be more popular than Facebook, thus propelling me into the stratosphere of billionaire-ism. Here are the Top Ten ways I am going to make my site better than Facebook.

It's all about the Hamiltons baby.

10. I obviously can’t call it Facebook. That one is taken. So what would be better than Facebook? Well, how about instead of just a face, why not the entire body? You simply can’t judge a person just based on their face, you wanna get a glimpse of the body to see what kind of action they have goin’ on. And instead of an entire book, why not condense it into a pamphlet of some sort? Facebook, meet your new nemesis: Nervous, Zuckerberg?

9. Allow nudity. My policy has always been, I’m comfortable with my body, and if I want to show it to people, I should be able to. No one is forcing you to look at it.

8. Instead of being constricted to writing on someone’s “wall,” in the Body Pamphlet world you would get an entire  “building.” You would be able to enter into other people’s “buildings” so that you can “use their bathroom,” or “try on their clothes,” or “help yourself to a snack from their refrigerator.” And you could probably leave a Post-It note or something to let them know you were there.

7. I would probably combine some elements of Twitter into there as well. For instance, instead of “tweeting,” you would “cackle.”  Every time you “cackled,” a loud “ca-CAW, ca-CAW!” would blast through the speakers of everyone logged into the site at that time. It would be like you’re out in the forest, yet you would still be inside the comfort of your “building!”

6. Instead of having “friends,” I would probably just call it “People You Have Met Before.” Nobody actually has 500 friends.

5. People who constantly “cackle” about their emotions or other buzz-killing updates like “So stressed. Why does the world hate me? FML!” will be penalized by having a fun little animated guy known as “The World’s Tiniest Violinist” saunter across their screen, serenading them with the depressing music that they deserve.

4. That’s actually all I really have.

3. Maybe I’ll think of something more later.



Blong. Who’s ready for some Polish Jazz from the 70’s?!

The Experiment

Trying out something today. In an effort to really stick this Blog into the nation’s collective consciousness, I came up with a plan. Why not find what the most popular keyword searches on the internet are, and stick them all in one blog?  That’s gotta get some attention right? Here goes.

I read the other day on Yahoo News that Michael Jackson and Lady Gaga totally Twitter’ed each other on the set of Glee while Brett Favre the Grandfather looked on. Of course everyone used their Apple iPad to search Google and then Facebook chatted about it the next day. Don’t worry though, Brittany Favre has Health Care, and I’m sure Glen Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity of Fox News are all very proud of her. The rest of the Twilight-loving world would love to see her go all Britney Spears and shave her head or something.  Maybe she’ll end up on Dancing With The Stars or American Idol and provide us with wholesome entertainment just like Adam Lambert once did. Man, Megan Fox is pretty hot isn’t she? I bet a bunch of NASCAR fans wouldn’t mind watching her and Kim Kardashian mud wrestle while Jenny McCarthy sings “Pants on the Ground” on top of a Toyota Prius with the windows down playing the latest Susan Boyle record. And I have no doubt in my mind that once Justin Bieber is old enough to like girls he wouldn’t mind kickin back with the Jonas Brothers and getting in on that sweet action as well, while Tiger Woods lays low and plays in the Masters at Augusta National Golf Club.  Heck, Barack Obama might even get a kick out of it. Maybe Kate Gosselin and Martha Stewart could team up and cater the event while Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Madonna talk about adopting stuff, while Oprah uses her iPhone to take pictures and post them on Flickr.

Today’s Blong (blog song) of the day is from a little group I like to call Ratatat. I guess they like to call themselves Ratatat as well. Anyways, it sucks that there isn’t an actual video for the song, but to put it in surfer slang, this gets me totally stoked, brah.

Categories: Experiments Tags: , , ,
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