Home > Comedy > Hipster Plans To Avoid Mainstream Highways And Drive to SXSW Only On Obscure, Little-Known Roads

Hipster Plans To Avoid Mainstream Highways And Drive to SXSW Only On Obscure, Little-Known Roads

Interstate 35, which travels directly through Minneapolis, Minnesota and all the way to Austin, Texas, site of the annual South by Southwest gathering, is intentionally being avoided by a nameless, faceless hipster in the Land of 10,000 Lakes.

NO.

The interstate system, dubbed ‘way, way too mainstream,’ by the hipster will be ignored in favor of a bizarre and far more lengthy path to Texas. A path you probably have never heard of.

The hipster said the following in a low, drawn out voice: “I would have driven the route if it were still the early 1950s, you know, before the interstate system was created. Roads were cooler back then. Now it’s all corporate and shit.”

The hipster was very adamant about obscurity and not following trends.

“Avoiding conventional highways was a no-brainer for me, so I sat down and brought up Google Maps on my iPhone. I was

YES.

YES.

able to find little-traveled county roads, abandoned residential streets, and even flat expanses of Oklahoma prairie that I could drive my Camry over.”

The hipster kept talking.

“I’ll probably see some stuff I normally wouldn’t, and I can post pictures to Instagram and Facebook and Twitter. Really show people how cool it is when you don’t do what everyone else is doing,” he said from behind his gluten-free beard crumbs and glasses without glass in them.

The drive from Minneapolis to Austin, which can be done solely on Highway 35, was made unnecessarily complex after the hipster read an article on a popular website.

“I was paging through Buzzfeed, ironically of course, and came across a list titled ’25 Reasons to Drive On a Highway.’ And I thought, ‘if Buzzfeed knows about highways, then 40 year-old Iowans are probably even aware of their popularity.’ Needless to say, in that moment I knew highways had jumped the shark.”

Does the hipster find his roundabout route to Texas excessive?

“Yeah, I’ll be putting a few extra clicks on the odometer,” the hipster admitted. “Is it totally necessary for me to pass through both Virginias, shoot over to New Mexico, then down into the real Mexico, in order to approach South by Southwest literally from the Southwest, all in the name of turning my back on something the majority of people like? No, it’s not necessary at all. It’s quite stupid, actually. I think I even pass through Canada at some point. But keep in mind, stupidity is in no way popular right now. But when it becomes the “in” thing, guess who will be credited with making it cool? Me. Not that I care. Then I’ll move on to something else.”

As of this writing, the hipster was somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, with estimates placing his arrival in Austin sometime between April 1-3, when the festival will have been over for more than a week.

 

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  1. March 18, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    Throw your map away and use a pendulum to determine your route. It can be quite entertaining

    • March 19, 2015 at 10:42 am

      I feel like you would just end up going back and forth in a straight line…..

      • March 19, 2015 at 10:55 am

        Ah, right… forgot to add that you use it whenever you come to a fork in the road. Spins right, you go right, spins left, you go left. I did this once driving home from uni. 1,300km became about 3,000km and 3 days of meandering nonsense across western New South Wales and Queensland.

  2. March 18, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    I’m sorry, Google maps is just too mainstream. So is driving. How about rollerskating to SXSW via any street that doesn’t start or end with a vowel?

    • March 19, 2015 at 10:46 am

      Or everyone with ‘superior taste’ could bypass SXSW altogether and go to a place no one has ever heard of, and stay there…..

  3. March 19, 2015 at 8:21 am

    As funny as this is, I can see someone doing/saying this. Hello from MN by the way. I moved from MN to Austin actually about three years ago.

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