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Archive for December, 2013

The Philosophunculist Has A Facebook Page Now

We here at The Philosophunculist have always been on the way to selling out. But in order to sell out, you need a buyer. To find a buyer, you need, well, I’m not sure, which is why no one seems to be purchasing what I’m pushing. I blame the economy, mostly, but also teenagers, immigrants, people on welfare, liberals, conservatives, and Canada.

Anyways, back to selling out. I stated, ages ago, on this very Blog, that it was my intent to one day become an eccentric billionaire, or at the very least, a weird millionaire. The warnings have been there. So here it is. This Blog now has a Facebook page.

Picture it as the tiny snowball perched on the top of a hill, ready to be pushed down, sopping up and absorbing everything in its widening swath. At the bottom of the hill, my own clothing line, corporate endorsements, reality television, rehab, indoor sunglasses, and straight cash homey.

Here’s the link. ‘Like’ it. That’s it. You don’t even have to look at it after that.

This is the link to the official Philosophunculist Facebook Page.

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Here’s A Joke

December 14, 2013 3 comments

It’s Saturday. Here’s a joke to tell at that house party, weenie roast, or fish fry you’re attending tonight:

Q/ What is black, white, red, and can’t think?

A\ A nun with a beet for a head.

Categories: Jokes Tags: , , ,

What If The Beatles Weren’t The Beatles?

Free will vs. destiny. Nature vs. nurture. Anarchy vs. order. Is the ‘real’ world actually a dream, and the dream world ‘real’ life? Could an all-powerful deity create a rock too heavy for itself to lift? If Joseph Swan had not invented the modern incandescent light bulb, would someone else have figured it out, or would you be reading this blog by candlelight, or whatever illuminating device had been invented (or not) in lieu of the candle? Would you rather be beaten to dead, bloody shards in front of everyone you know by a pansexual street tough named Rocco in the alley behind a skin bar, or be eaten and digested by a wildebeest horde in deepest Africa, while your fate forever remains a mystery to your loved ones?

Volumes have been written by history’s most probing thinkers on these subjects. And now, another great question to heap up onto the proverbial philosophical pile (an interesting side note regarding piles: when does a pile cease to become a pile? If you remove one thing from it, is it still a pile? How about two things? At what point does ‘some stuff gathered together’ transform into what we know as a pile?) that will leave you awake at 3am, wondering why you have to be out of bed in three hours to go to a job (which, unless you produce sustenance, is virtually pointless), to earn money (which, as a manmade creation, makes it no more meaningful than say, a high score in Tetris), so you can buy food (which, if you are resourceful, is available for free in nature):

Whitealbum

This is what the ‘White Album’ could have looked like.

Here goes. Imagine The Beatles, widely regarded as one of, if not the, greatest and most influential rock bands of all time, had not been known as The Beatles.

Envision this: everything about them stays the same—the look, the musical evolution, the album titles (excluding 1968’s The Beatles), song names, etc.—only at their outset they chose an incredibly immature or offensive name, like ‘The Fart Men,’ or even better, ‘F(censored)k.’

Would music scholars and fans and snobs and critics openly argue that The Fart Men are the greatest thing ever to happen in modern music?

‘The Fart Men are waaay better than the Rolling Stones!’ Would you say that to someone?

Would they have gotten radio play? Radio DJ: ‘It’s 3 degrees here in the Twin Cities, let’s heat things up with a little ‘Norwegian Wood’ by F(censored)k!’

Would George Martin have relished being known as the ‘fifth Fart Man?’

Would millions of screaming girls have bought into ‘Fart Men Mania’ in the ’60s?

There’s no way we’ll ever know.

Observations From Tonight’s Walmart Trip

……..i think i was the skinniest person there. that includes the children…..

……everyone seemed to have a smoker’s cough and knee problems. not one or the other. both. EVERYONE. that includes the children…..

……everyone seemed to have multiple loud children. that includes the children……..

………i think i saw not one, but two couples that were on a date………..and they weren’t like long-term couples either, they were having some real heart-felt first date ‘get-to-know-you’ conversations……….

………as the throbbing hordes coughed and limped around me, cursing their deteriorating knee cartilage, i was nearly swallowed by the gelatinous mass, almost sucked right in, to become one of them……but i made it out

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