Cogitations

Since I am feeling rather malapert (dictionary word of the day-unbecomingly bold or saucy) today, here are some random thoughts that have been kicking around in my head.

-(Talking in Jerry Seinfeld voice) When people say it’s hot as the dickens in here, what are the dickens, and why are they so hot?

-Here is one of my plans for the summer: I always see all these people outside Twins games with signs that say “need tickets.” Well, one of these days I’m going to go sit at happy hour inside J.D. Hoyt’s for awhile, get plastered, and draw up a bunch of tickets. I will then walk outside, and hand them to someone who needs tickets. They will look down and see that I have written “gun show” on the tickets. By the time they look up, I will be standing topless and flexing in front of them with an outstretched hand saying, “that will be 75 dollars you freak.”

-I hate to keep talking about the gentrification of Aldi, but they done did it again. This time, I saw a guy wearing a somewhat snug Abercrombie shirt in there. Him and his little lady acted like they were on a freaking safari. I could hear them, hiding behind the cheap lawn furniture, whispering to each other- “Oh honey, shhhhh…..look, it’s an immigrant! Here, hold out this 50 dollar bill and maybe he’ll get close enough so we can pet him.” Cutest couple EVER. How I pine for the days when it was just me and some deranged old lady complaining about the tax on marshmallows. We must keep these yuppies out of our grocery stores!

Anyways, that’s all I’ve really got. Here is some Japanese hip-hop. I would really love to learn the language so I could understand, but for now, I’ll just sit back and enjoy the Nintendo-esque beats.