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Posts Tagged ‘politics’

The Folly Of A Border Wall Vs. The Interdimensional Chess Game Of An Avid Golfer

“I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me. I’ll build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I’ll have Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.” —We all know who said that

Last week, President Donald Trump viewed prototypes for a wall that will be great, and built in the best way.

One person has said that the wall is a waste of money and also a waste of money. And in addition to the billions of dollars that will be wasted, he says, a lot of money will also be wasted. Trump later called him a ‘fart-head’ on Twitter.

Another critic, known to Trump as ‘poopypants,’ has pointed out that while the wall will be anywhere from eighteen to thirty feet high, that only covers 1/10,000 of the area between ground level and the upper atmosphere of Earth, leaving a lot of room for flying machines to carry people over it. Here, look at a drawing that shows this:

wall

And this other guy, dubbed ‘fat ugly human’ by Trump, has wondered what happens at the Gulf of Mexico and the Pacific Ocean. He believes that this is what will happen:

aerialwall

Yet another miserable sack of human shit believes that people will be able to tunnel under a wall. He’s such a sack of shit, according to Trump, that the shit sack doesn’t even get a graphic.

Where is this going, anyway?

It’s going here: we’ve got to face the music. We are all drooly-sniffing-our-own-poopy-fingers-farty-poop-pants-peons and Mr. President is playing a game of interdimensional chess that transcends space and time, so let’s believe what he says.

That’s why Mr. Trump said last week he wants to start a ‘Space Force,’ like the Air Force, only in space.

So when people try to go over, around, or under the wall, I’m guessing the Space Force will be able blast them with space lasers. And yeah, they’re called space lasers, but they also work on earth. Here’s how it works: the lasers come through the atmosphere and go bing bong bing bong, transmogrifying from space beams into a form more suitable for earth.

Wall discussion—over. Unless Trump suddenly decides it’s a bad idea. Then I’m okay with it not being built.

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Great And Christian Donald Trump Generously Donates Thirteen Percent of One Million Dollars To Down And Out Whore

Donald Trump, great president of America and very much ardent follower of Christ, has generously given big portion of donald’s father’s money to down and out harlot who has lost very many of her ways in this world.

Large sum of american $130,000, donated by strong leader and Man of God Trump to floozy who wallows in dregs of pornographic film industry, in order to provide for her great opportunity for to accept Jesus and spread giant words of Trump.

TRumP says this is good thing for America.

We must all make good for America and give our rubles, all of them, to women of filth, says TrUmp.

TrumP also gives us generous tip to buy red america is great hats from website that will donate money to great all over american donald truMP.

So do this, America, and america will blast white greatness over all the world. Happy!

Breitbart’s Best and Brightest

There are wackos, and even a few normal people, on every political site from the far right to the far left and everything in between, Breitbart being no exception. I’ve cruised through a variety of comment sections on that site, and saved the best and brightest (or worst and darkest, depending on your view of reality).49687728-cached

Here, copy-and-pasted (names omitted), are some things that people decided to type and send out into Breitbartia:

REPEAL Odildocare!  <——‘Odildocare’ is a play on ‘Obamacare.’ The commenter is likening former president Barack Obama to a dildo, a phallic simulacrum used by men and women the world over in place of a real, live penis. –Editor

Just nuke the entire Middle East and be done with this nonsense!   <—–Wouldn’t be able to get oil out of a nuclear wasteland. Oh, and also, innocent people live over there too.  –Editor

Saint Bannon, not Trump, is the heart and soul and mind of the Trump Administration.  <—-Steve hasn’t been canonized. Yet. –Editor

Just think, if Hillary had campaigned in blackface, she might’ve won.     <——Probably not. –Editor

Facebook should be known as Gay Facebook.

(on Scarlett Johansson) She’s not even attractive anymore. She’ll be doing hard core porno in two years with Ashley Judd.   <—–Save that one for Gay Facebook. –Editor

Stop ALL immigration!

I would happily go back to Europe if all the Muslims will go back to Mecca and all the blacks will go back to Africa.             <—–It’s also possible for you to go back to Europe without anyone else leaving. –Editor

That’s why colleges have become retard dens for men: The EFFECTS of Feminism on MEN.          <—–A MAN wrote that comment.  –Editor

Trump is reminding me a bit of what was great about Nixon.        <——Richard Nixon was the only president to resign from office. –Editor

And of course, the anti-Jewish comments:

Those two NY liberal jew rat bastards are nothing but out to destroy old man Trump.

Well, he’s a Jew….what do you expect?

More and more people are coming to the truth about Jews. After all the Bible says even the disciples spoke in whispers for fear of the Jews.

It was the Jews who were chosen as a foil to show the weakness of humanity.

There is only one race and religion causing the entire worlds problems right now and since it seems the entire history of man and it is NOT Islam but Jews as the entire internet and every book on the planet proves.  <—-That’s as good a place as any to wrap this up. –Editor

 

alternate facts, wings, timelines, and private grabbing

i go away a lot, but i always come back.

november ninth, twenty sixteen: i woke up and thought to myself ‘something’s…..different.’ i soon found that biff tannen had ripped his way through the fourth wall of cinematic fiction and into this supposed reality, regained possession of the futuristic sports almanac, and wrested control of the white house (bob gale, a writer for back to the future II, has acknowledged that the rich, powerful tannen is based on someone who recently became king of America—google that), giving rise to a wave of ‘alts’—facts, wings of the right, and of hunter-s-thompson-for-sheriff-poster_200_200course timelines. within these alternative timelines, expect quite a few of them to legalize pussy grabbing (some in more lawyerly language, some not so much), and in those where a female version of tannen assumes power, an equally degrading form of something called dong conking.

none of that really matters, though. the only thing i ever worry about is me, of course, which is why i have emerged from a months-long hiatus to make it known that i am not fake news. that’s all. i’m expecting many of these alternate timelines to produce executive orders shutting down any and all outlets that do not acknowledge the supreme insight and godliness of our new *rutaceaecean* figurehead of american greatness. so, as of this writing, the official stance of the philosophunculist blog is that america has been made great.

and speaking of biff tannen, was it really so bad that he got to be rich, if only in one timeline? in all three movies, dude gets smothered in poopy, which is what we have to assume is happening to this current commander in chief in every other timeline. just let the guy have one feces-free life, alright?

back to me. this blog is very real. it’s not even news, therefore it can’t be fake news. when the witch hunt for publications of ill repute commences, please don’t censor me. i’ll do anything. grab my pussy (in a timeline where i am a woman). conk my dong (in the timeline where the king is a woman. or even a man. i don’t care. if the masculine king of america wants to conk my dong, i’ll take it. years after this, when i’m homeless because all workers have been replaced by robots and the children and friends of the king, i can tell passersby that the king of america once conked my dong, and they will reward me with a russian ruble.) just let me keep this blog. it’s really all i’ve got, until america achieves an even greater level of greatness and me and everyone i know gets rich from working at our jobs (before the robots take over) because america will be that great

 

*i sort of made that up, but it has a base in rutaceae, which is the citrus family, and i know that doesn’t help my ‘not fake’ spiel, but due to its base on a real word, it can’t be classified as fake*

 

 

Some Dark Truths About Me

A few weeks ago, at one of them political rallies, Dr. Ben Carson said something like this: Hillary Clinton wrote her senior thesis on Saul Alinsky. Saul Alinsky mentions Lucifer in one of his books. Therefore, Hillary Clinton worships Satan.

Compelling argument, but there’s no way she’s that cool.

So I sat for a while, thinking. Following Dr. Carson’s logic, I learned some very dark truths about myself.

Here are a few:

I read Gravity’s Rainbow, a big novel with a small part featuring coprophilia. Therefore, I am a coprophiliac.

I enjoy using car batteries to torture hookers, because a copy of American Psycho is sitting in my book pile right now. Also, I like to stab small children at the zoo.

I am a homophobic pill popper who hates his mother. That would be from my high school days listening to Eminem.

I cook meth. Thanks, Breaking Bad.

And most horrifying of all, I might not play football next year because I’d rather hang out with Wooderson and drink beer.

 

 

If #AllLivesMatter, That Means I Can Do Whatever I Want With This Dead Guy, Right?

I recently read on the internet that all lives matter. Read: since only things with lives matter, that automatically means that anything without life, any object lacking that essential élan vital, is second class scum and not worthy of our time. All of this pleases me, ‘cuz I’ve got this dead guy.

This dead guy does not matter one bit. It’s right there in the hashtag. That gives me the go-ahead to really go to town on this corpse. Sex. I didn’t say it. You were thinking it. Anyways, there are a lot of non-sexual things you can do with a worthless body that just wouldn’t fly with a live person. I plan to stab it first. After that, I’m going to throw it off my balcony and see if it explodes on the concrete below.

That’s it. That’s all I want to do with the dead guy.

 

The Democratic Convention Will End With Surgery Or Conception

I think it’s pretty obvious how the Democratic National Convention is going to end: tomorrow night, right during primetime, expect Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders to be sown together, legally making them one person, something called Billary Slinton or Hernie Clanders, who will become the new nominee.

Or they’ll conceive a baby.

Then they’ll pump Hillary full of age-accelerating pills—something the government has been hiding from us—in order for the love child to be born and advance to an electable age by November.

Either way, I don’t care anymore.

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